From Hell to Heaven: The Journey

There are times when you look behind yourself and see your life. When you are too tired to carry on, when your feet are weary, you have terrible headaches, your toes are numb, and you feel this emptiness in your heart. When your brain shouts, telling you to stop, to get away from all this, to leave everything behind. When everyone questions why you started in the first place. When life seems like a burden, and your actions become meaningless. When the dream palace you built for yourself shatters, and reality slaps hard on your face as if someone woke you up from a late night dream by throwing cold water all over your body.

You stare at the sky, thinking about things you could have done, things that should have been done by others, possible future courses your life would have taken. Sometimes you find yourself staring at the wall for no obvious reason. Other times, you forget to get out of the shower. You bite your nails while thinking of all the opportunities you have missed. Your eyes are always moist and hands are nearly always sweaty. You laugh when people expect you, you follow every social order. But deep inside you know, the hollow you have in your heart is increasing and is increasing day by day. You lie on your bed all day, awake but not alive. Hanging in the midst of life and death, thinking if your death would mean anything or even worse if your life meant anything?

You stand on the boundary of the terrace of your building. Your take last puff of your half burnt cigarette and then drop it to the ground below you. You can feel the gush of wind on your face. You think of every sad thing that ever happened to you. You remember your first grade, neighbors bullying you because your parents were not as “rich” as theirs. You remember the time when you overheard your parents talking about how you turned out to be a disappointment. You remember how your first crush told you to leave her alone and never to talk to her again because you look like shit. You remember how you were never invited to a party in your college because you were too weird. And then you close your eyes and jump, because you know if you stop now, you may never be able to do it.

Your body is in the air, you feel weightless as if suddenly someone threw all the weight off your shoulder. You don’t know why you open your eyes, and you see that the ground is approaching you. It’s as if not you but the ground is moving towards you. You panic. Your mind starts giving you reasons to live. It reminds you the face of your mom who was always there for you whenever you were hurt, who defended you from your father anger. You remember that one friend who saved you from bullies and helped you in Maths. You desperately search for something around you. Time has slowed as if enjoying the last moment of your misery to it's fullest. You want to clutch something, you look around, but there’s just air. The ground is approaching fast, and you remember you forgot to say something to that one person. The sound of thoughts becomes loud, and they shout out, I don’t want to die.  And then you hit the ground with a thud, and just like that, you are dead. You see, no one told you that mind is alive for 10 min after the heart stops. Your heartbeat stops but your thoughts are still there, but luckily you don’t feel pain. You realize You were disappointed in life, and you are disappointed in death.